Becoming a better dater and partner involves admitting your own shortcomings. Perhaps you unknowingly highlight your own inherent traits which make you attract Mr. Wrong. As a dating coach, I used to think a person who lacks vision on who Mr. Right is and his traits are the main culprits for becoming a dart board for numerous Mr. Wrongs. You should have a clear vision of the goal.
However, I’ve realized that when you go forward with nothing but the goal in mind, you would lose yourself. When you are driven purely by your goal of finding the right one, you tend to overlook your own emotional and mental wellness and you also lose the ability to identify, use, understand and manage your emotions in positive and constructive ways.
I remember one of my clients, Claire. Three months into dating Mr. Guy-Who-Lied-to-Her-About-Everything-Except-For-His-Name, Claire found out the guy really did lie to her about everything except his name. Instead of packing up and leaving for the next train, Claire decided to pursue a relationship with this guy thinking her only other option was having cats (although cute, they’re not really the best life partners). Obviously, Claire’s relationship did not end well.
From Claire’s story, we can conclude that in making decisions pertaining to our relationships, we should always possess a level of emotional intelligence. The four main aspects of emotional intelligence are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. In order to master dating and be a better person in relationships, my experience has taught me it is crucial to be proficient in these areas.
Self-Awareness – Self-awareness is known as the ability to identify your own emotions and know how they affect your actions. In any relationship, good communication is the key but how can you do that if you’re not even sure of what you’re feeling, thinking and expecting? People who master dating know when it is the right time to talk about something and being true to oneself. In a relationship, you are your own best representative.
Self-Management – This is the ability to control impulsive behaviours. To be honest, we can’t control how we feel especially when they are strong emotions. By all means, we all have the right to become upset. What we can control is the way we act and this can help build both trust and mutual respect. Don’t expect your partner to understand you and have the patience to hear you out after you throw a fit about something he or she did whether in the present or in the past. Develop more ways to handle your emotions and be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions.
Social Awareness – In dating, social awareness is the ability to understand not just your partner’s feelings but also needs and concerns. Social awareness contributes to a good relationship in several ways. It completes the cycle of communication. When you express your own thoughts and ideas, you’re only doing the first phase of communication. You should also receive and acknowledge what your partner has to say.
Relationship Management – Simply put, this is the ability to develop and maintain good relationships. When you are a well-balanced person who can contribute to a team, then you can expect to be able to function just as well when it comes to your relationships. A good dater is balanced in all areas of his life and relationships, whether personal or professional. You don’t necessarily have to pretend to be friends with everyone. It just means you are able to create healthy relationships while cutting off unhealthy ones.
Truly, having your own happily never after depends on the amount of work you put on yourself… not just your own body but your emotional intelligence too. Have the happy ending you deserve and click here to contact Samantha Jayne, Sydney’s leading relationship and dating coach!