How women should NOT think when on the verge of commitment.
Women, whether they admit it or not, are often slaves of their thoughts. Especially when it comes to men and dating, women tend to overanalyze and overthink everything. Not to say that it is not wise to scrutinize the men they are seeing, but when it is done to an extreme, it can be quite unhealthy.
The most common complaint of women when it comes to dating men is that the latter change well into the relationship. “He used to call me every day”, “He doesn’t take me out on dates as often as he used to”, “He says he’s always busy with work”, “He’s been cancelling on me for the past weeks”, or “He isn’t as sweet as he used to be” are just a few of the things you will hear women say after seen a certain guy for some time. The bottom line is, they think their man has changed.
Or is it the other way around?
Has the man really changed or does the woman now have plenty of expectations which are not being met as the source of this frustration?
Early in the dating relationship, both the man and the woman are in the stage of courtship. The two of you spend a lot of time with each other, often putting aside commitments. He calls you a lot and checks up on you often. He brings you flowers and asks you out on dates. He offers to drive you around. He picks you up even if you are on the opposite side of town. But then after a few months later, he doesn’t call you every day, cancels dates and doesn’t seem to show an effort to make for it, or asks if you can just drive yourself.
Did he just turn into a major douche? Was he just faking it when he did all the nice things for you because he was trying to win you over? Why isn’t he doing things a man is supposed to do for a woman? Maybe he is cheating on you. Or he isn’t just as fond of you unlike before.
Now, those are exactly the very suicidal thoughts that push women to end relationships before they actually started. So before you start burning bridges with a man, stop your thoughts in their tracks before they snowball into catastrophic proportions. Not only are they destructive to your relationship, but they are also feeding your unhealthy behavior.
So what do you do?
During a courtship, there are only TWO things you should do.
First, look at what you are doing. Are you being yourself? Are you exuding all the feminine qualities of being confident, understanding, and easygoing? If so, you are taking good charge at your end.
Second, pay attention to what he’s doing. Is he making an effort to connect with you, even if it isn’t 100% the way you expected him to? Is he actually invested in the relationship? Do you actually like him? If yes to all, then give him the chap a chance.
Here’s the deal when it comes to dating and relationships— you can only control your own actions and thoughts. You cannot simply expect men to do things you wish they’d do without communicating your needs and wants clearly. Oftentimes, they are just clueless! Besides, just because he missed to call you one time or pick you up because he was extremely busy doesn’t mean you chuck him out the window already! Don’t dwell on the 5% of things he does wrong and totally miss out on the 95% of the things he is doing right.
The early stage of dating is naturally pockmarked with being overly sweet and passionate about each other because you two just can’t help it! But later on, these things do tend to wane, not because your affection for each other has diminished. You both have simply settled back into your routine and caught up on certain things you’ve put on hold while spending so much time with each other, like work for example. You have finally realized that there are also some things in each of your world, instead of just making each other your world.
So don’t fret and sweat. As long as the connection is there and you two are willing to invest in the relationship, a little compromise from both of you shouldn’t hurt. Learn to bank more towards feeling than thinking.