Relationships go through different stages, each one more intense than the last. This continuous growth ensures that a relationship thrives as it goes through the next level until two partners find themselves in the long-term commitment of marriage.
But everyone tries to make sure they are with the right person before jumping to such big decisions. Is marriage something you both truly want? Does your partner want to have kids? Do you have the same values when it comes to building a family? Are you in the same boat when it comes to managing finances and preparing for the future?
These questions, however, run the risk of ruining any relationship when asked or discussed at the wrong time. Maybe too soon, or maybe too late. Questions about your future should NEVER be asked in the early stages of dating. It might scare your partner and put too much expectations between the two of you. You have to feel and believe that the two of you are in the same level of emotional investment before you dive into a deep discussion of what awaits your future. But always waiting for the right time might leave you waiting for too long that it becomes too late already. It doesn’t make sense to invest so much in a relationship and realize in the long run that you two are not compatible after all. The air of uncertainty leaves you two hanging with possible unmet expectations that can hurt you or your relationship.
So when is really the best time to discuss the future of your relationship? It usually rests on your instincts and common sense to tell you that it’s time. But there’s no definite schedule, whether it’s 3 months into the relationship or 3 years. Your best take is to weigh in on all the factors at hand and consider the circumstances and how the other person may respond to your advances. Listen to your instincts and use your best judgment. After all, you should already know your partner and your relationship before you think of discussing serious matters. When you sense that you and your partner are getting serious or the complete opposite and you wouldn’t want to keep on wasting each other’s time, then it would be the best time to bring it up.
Deciding to bring up the topic is only the first step though. How to start up a conversation about your future is an entirely different matter. But the best approach would be to let the topics come naturally. Like if your partner has nieces or nephews, ask something like “Do you enjoy being around kids?”. Or allow it flow seamlessly out of your day-to-day conversations. Avoid making your partner to feel too serious though and express your values and the things important to you honestly without making the other person feel about themselves. And more than just doing all the talking, actually listen and listen well. Enjoy the process of learning about each other instead of making it some sort of test you both have to pass.